clean talk communication

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Theyll also have a much clearer sense of how their performance contributed to you than they would if all they heard was You were great! And, this sort of expression makes it less likely that the listener will be conditioned to be excessively vulnerable to someone criticizing them. Our 21-Day Clean Program is the ultimate way to support our bodies' communication networks. The talking wall operates by using a thin durable Mylar diaphragm for sound transfer. And one of the most important factors in creating and sustaining these warm, intimate relationships is communication. What is skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on context. It doesn't seem to occur to either the principal or Dr. Rosenberg that the goal of attending the meeting need not be summarily dropped in favor of spending an unspecified length of time with the student, that the situation might be a both/and rather than an either/or." I feel grateful to have this issue be named, because I think that it is a factor that often gets in the way of the intended fruits of NVC being fully realized, often even among those who think themselves proficient at NVC. Straight Talk About Communication Research Methods. Cleantech Communication is the preeminent consultancy for trailblazing cleantech businesses serious about. Cleantech Communication supports clients in realizing brand value. I think there is lots of room for more nuanced presentation of this idea, and more nuanced advice about how to apply it in communication. NVC has some practices, related to connecting to needs that can sometimes release people from these traps. Free US Delivery | ISBN:1524916137. ". I recommend to my NVC students that they not use the word need when attempting to speak using NVC, to help avoid this pitfall. But, this is somewhat outside the realm of mainstream NVC teaching. ", (In your examples labeled NVC you mix text that seems to be of your own construction with text quoted from Rosenbergs book (NVC, p. 96). Keep Body Language Open and Receptive Your body language communicates a lot, sometimes more than the actual words you speak. As alluded to above, I think you are severely misinterpreting NVC's stance on "praise and compliments." We only recommend products we genuinely like, and purchases made through our links support our mission and the free content we publish here on AoM. Such zingers aim to point our their flaws and tear down their worth. I dont think there is anything in NVC that prevents sharing our most precious beliefs. Maybe I would need to see some examples of what you would enjoy better, to sense into the advantages. CleanTalk eliminates the need for CAPTCHA, questions&answers and other ways which use complicated communication methods for spam protection on your site. I think this is why NVC encourages practitioners to transform their anger. We also offer strategy and execution . This could equally well be an example of NVC. I see it offering connection to some aspects of deeper meaning. That implicit distinction is what allowed him to talk about the dangers of focusing on thought (in Relationship Talk), while demonstrating adroit thinking (in Concept Mapping Talk), without there being any actual contradiction. I am grateful for the food for thought supplied by your naming these concerns. I think his talk of never hearing thoughts was meant as a wake-up-call to people "lost in their heads" who might believe they can rely purely on reason to navigate through conflict, without opening themselves to feelings, compassion, and empathic understanding. This ease of communicating helps to maximize productivity, by eliminating the need for personnel to de-gown to leave the . By choosing "Accept", you agree to the storage of all types of cookies used on the site. Regarding the differences in popularity, aside from any differences in the merits of the practices, I'll note that Rosenberg spent decades living out of a suitcase, traveling the world, sharing NVC with anyone who would listen. I haven't often seen people getting into this sort of trouble. It seems like you struggle to be on time. Posted Dec 2022 4:47 TED-Ed 4 things all great listeners know The score for this software has improved over the past month. I think he was trying to express his sense that a certain stance of the heart was the true key to navigating human relationships in a way that would align with our deepest aspirations. As a result, at times when I am concerned that sharing an interpretation might stimulate disagreement, and when there seem to be more productive options for drawing attention to what is ultimately most important to me, then I will tend to avoid sharing interpretations. First, I want to name the the idea of requiring or not requiring or forbidding, etc., are all antithetical to NVC. Based on the story I made up, I judge that your conclusion sounds like a stretch, an example of using free association to try to force data to confirm your hypothesis of a problem. loving relating, such that we can compassionately see and honor peoples beauty and humanity, while also fully honoring what matters to one another; transcending ways of thinking that limit our ability to see a way forward that could work for all; living in alignment with intrinsic motivations, and experiencing more aliveness and joy. So, while there's a lot in the subjective experience of anger that doesn't seem to be about thought, thought plays a critical role in the phenomenon of anger. ALONG WITH . There is a topic in NVC called connection requests, which unfortunately isnt addressed in the book you read. ", Angry is similarly a word that tends to hold an implication that someone did something to us, and also points to a distinctive experience that isnt easy to accurately name in another way. The main risk is that, when anger is expressed, the listener is likely to infer the presence of blame and moralistic judgment, and this typically stimulates defensiveness in ways that are likely to interfere with optimal communication. For example, "I want to be close to you, because I love you.". (This seems somewhat similar to Clear Talks position that people would do well to own what you want for you.). This encompasses strategic consulting services for brand positioning & messaging as well as strategic planning. Note to self: Maybe there would be value in articulating when speaking about discernment would have value. Im tired of your perpetual poor me attitude., Maybe if you were more of a man, youd be able to handle this., Youd probably feel better if you got off your fat, lazy ass and finally did something about it., Youre just being ungrateful like always. What we say makes total sense to us, because we have the entire context of it in our heads. In my judgment, hiding what you're doing is a form of deception, and deception is a form of violence." So, I feel scared, wanting to be safe from moralistic judgments based on standards that I don't understand and wouldn't necessarily agree with. NVC has an implicit premise that our culture overly encourages us to use strategies that have an adversarial nature, and that we would often be more likely to enjoy what happens if we act from a state of mind informed by empathic insight and compassionwhile still fully honoring what is important to us. Imagine that you approach a performer after a performance and say, You were great! That may land well, but if the performer was painfully aware of some mistakes, they may dismiss what you say as being uninformed and untrue. NVC cautions that it's essential to empowerment and personal freedom to recognize that emotions don't only reflect what happens outside us, but also reflect the stories we have made up about what we've observed, associations we have with unhealed pain from the past, and our assessments of how what is happening is likely to meet or not meet our needs. The premier brands our team has collectively supported across the cleantech value chain represent over $1 trillion in market capitalization. We take responsibility for the anger as ours, and not as being about them in the way that it might superficially appear to be. We have developed fast and simple plugins for the most popular CMS such as WordPress spam protection plugin, Joomla, Drupal and other plugins. In actual NVC conversations with people who dont know NVC, saying I need in a way that is likely to trigger a sense of obligation in the listener would be the total antithesis of NVC it would amount to making a demand (and NVC is specifically designed to be about not making demands) in the guise of what superficially appears to be NVC. Instead, do your best to keep your voice level and calm. Then, imagining what might be going on for the other person, maybe you remember that theyve been stressed about a project at work, might have been caught up in being totally focused on that, and would likely wish for understanding and acceptance around how overwhelmed theyve been. You also say "it seems to be inviting a discussion of reasons with no clear guidelines for how reasons might be expressed safely using NVC. Actually, one of the main reasons for suggesting guessing the reason, as opposing to simply asking for a reason, is to model the type of reasons one is looking to hear. What judgment (of the 5 that are lurking in the background) is it important to name? Talk to a Coach . However, NVC notes some risks in expressing things in this way, and offers guidance as to how one might reduce those risks. Frequently Asked Questions about New Dawn Works. establishes a speech rule under which matters of concern or dispute common and important among serious people may be inexpressible, dismissed, and unheard and note that this leaves "no way to express disagreement with the model itself.. Other NVC practitioners have had enough experiences like this that they didn't enjoy, that they have gotten to a point where they overcompensate in the other direction, and avoid using their connection skills in settings where people are trying to get things done. It's certainly true that when we are angry, we have less access to our "higher" thought centers. Use tab to navigate through the menu items. And if so, could you be more specific about what you would like to have shared, and what it would do for you if that happened? Theyll also likely match your defensive stance, and the discussion will get off to a rocky start. Speaking about a workshop demonstration of NVC, you say, "I saw no way for the mother to state without the use of judgments that her daughter had broken the law and endangered the safety of herself and others. It would have been perfectly in line with NVC for the mother to express her wish for safety (as a need), and the legal aspect could have been named as an observation though the form of an NVC expression would have invited the mother to go further into how concerns about legality impacted her at the emotional and needs levels. As I understand it, it is not physically possible to voice everything that happens inside our minds. To keep things amicable, adopt an open, rather than closed posture. ", (I notice that last statement seemed to be sort of a "dig", rather than a straightforward communication, so I want to pause to check on what's going on in me. Without proper communication, things in our lives can go haywire very quickly. US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen agreed with Chinese Vice Premier Liu He to enhance communication about macroeconomic and financial issues during a two-and-a-half hour meeting . Youre so self-centered and only care about yourself., Your moodiness is ruining our relationship, Youre always late and its driving me crazy, Podcast #863: Key Insights From the Longest Study on Happiness, A Mans Guide to Black Tie: How To Wear A Tuxedo, A Mans Guide to Fragrance: How to Choose and Wear Cologne, How to Pick the Perfect Mens Wedding Ring, Your No-Nonsense Guide to Choosing the Right Beard Style, How to Grow a Beard: The One and True Guide, Beard Oil FAQs: Answering All Your Pressing Beardly Questions, Beard Grooming 101: The Lowdown on Products and Routine, How to Recognize a Quality Tie in 60 Seconds, Podcast #860: Get Fit, Not Fried The Benefits of Zone 2 Cardio. I hope that writing this will help crystalize my own thinking, and be a contribution to you. There are some things that Rosenberg spoke about with less precision than I would like, and anger is one of them. I dont see any problem with the systems focusing on different usages. I read through a bunch of relationship advice books recently looking for some good bits that might be helpful to pass along to readers. Note to self: Consider seeking more understanding around this point, to support assessing whether this is something I feel would add useful clarity. "Oh boo-hoo. And, when in doubt, we can offer something to defuse this risk. Its more about (1) modeling that sort of expression we might be interested in (i.e., one supportive of mutual compassion), (2) signaling that we we are interested in what is going on for the other in a non-blaming way, and (3) making ourselves vulnerable (by offering a guess that could be wrong) rather than asking them to vulnerably reveal themselves without offering any vulnerability of our own. Which want might it be helpful to express? Under other circumstances, I willingly share interpretations. If I were to ask someone Why did you say no? there is a high risk that the listener will think I am looking for ammunition to use to do battle with them, and theyre liable to respond defensively. If it's a spam bot, then CleanTalk blocks this comment or registering. They also point to distinctive experiences that arent named as accurately by something like sad. Youve always had this flaw, and its not getting any better. It certainly wasn't about blocking the flow of judgments for him. Reuters, Zurich. autocad apple silicon; characteristics of an effective organizational structure; clean talk communication In 1973, apparently Marshall Rosenberg specifically cautioned against talking about needing something, out of a concern that this would convey an unhelpful sense of Its an emergencyI have to have this thing I say Im needing. Over the years, Marshall wrestled with how to address certain problems that he wanted NVC to be able to address, and this eventually led to Marshall including something he chose to call needs as a central feature of the model. To be rigorous, one could ask Would you be able and willing to? or Would it work for you to? Anyway, this point seems to me to be about nuances of wording rather than assumptions that are inherently present in a request. Exploring these topics has been rich for me. Calling it a "second-level want" may make this excessive conciseness less likely. To me, NVC is best thought of, not as a set of rules, but as a collection of insights, to be applied in a context-sensitive way, with discernment. nwcompass~org?subject=Feedback%20on%20your%20NCC%20post%3A%20Response%20to%20a%20comparison%20of%20Clean%20Talk%20and%20NVC, A Comparison of Clean Talk and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), nwcompass.org/bob-wentworth/blog/cleantalk-nvc-response/, Response to a comparison of Clean Talk and NVC. I cant tell if I would personally prefer to have things more spelled out or not. Regarding hurt and injured I agree that these are risky in that they can be held as implying an agent who caused these. (I notice that sometimes an anger-related emotion might get toned down in the way it is named, e.g., someone feeling furious might say theyre angry and someone feeling angry might say theyre feeling irritated (or irritation?) As you discuss whats bothering you, describe your emotions as specifically as possible. Being compared negatively to someone else sure can sting. Dr. Rosenberg dealt with some of the problematic aspects of our interpretations, the stories we tell ourselves, by encouraging people to shift their focus, to attend more to other components of experience that he felt were ultimately more important. You talk about people being "uncomfortable using the word judgment and offer contexts in which it might be comfortable to use the word I am a little puzzled by why this subsection is there do you think that Rosenbergs position has something to do with being uncomfortable using the word judgment? I believe something can be gained by such questioning of conventional thinking. So too, our identities are very much based on comparing ourselves to our peers, and to have the person we love say we dont stack up to them cuts at our sense of worth. As an NVC practitioner, I engage my moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane way of thinking about situations. You talk about the NVC trainer in a workshop holding up a scarf to signify expressing anger only inwardly, not to the other. But blanket condemnations of your partners character are anathema to a loving relationship. You say, "It's my belief that anger and other emotions are signals to let us know what's happening around us." And, in conflict situations, Ive experienced talking in this way as having had a rather limited capacity to transform conflicts. 26. You say, "If we're not willing to say we believe that violence is bad in any way, why are we devoting time and effort to nonviolent communication?" So for example, if you want to spend more time with friends, but your significant other wont budge on giving her blessing, you might say, Im going to start spending every Saturday morning with them, and then follow through on that action. In contrast, couples who know how to discuss their disagreements in a healthy way are able to nip problems in the bud before they turn into big, relationship-ending issues. Find high-quality royalty-free vector images that you won't find anywhere else. . This is true of communication between our body systems as well. Its seldom something that can be done in real time in the middle of a conversation. Some people may interpret NVC as saying people shouldnt express interpretations, and if so, I agree that this is unduly limiting. However, standard NVC training doesn't always lead to people knowing how to apply NVC effectively and in a balanced way in the context of getting things done. And, I don't know the real context of the quote. Cha c sn phm trong gi hng. . It would be better to say, Ive been waiting here for 20 minutes. Condition: Good. What matters is whether they have practiced sufficiently with transforming their judgments and/or acknowledging and attending to judgments without feeding them so that using the verbal forms of NVC is actually congruent with their inner experience. The technical meaning is different (associated with different connotations) than the way the word is commonly used in English. They are the judgments that go into formulating what will be expressed. Here are some examples of global labels, and how they could be better rendered as specific critiques of behavior instead of character: As MFP put it, the essence of a you message is simply this: Im in pain and you did it to me. And theres usually this subtext: You were bad and wrong for doing it to me. When people slight us, it may be true that they are entirely, or almost entirely, to blame. It's that role that Rosenberg tries to draw people's attention to. Note to self: There could be value in articulating more explicitly when to use the model." Its assumed that it makes sense to look for ways to honor everyones needs, so that (to a very real extent) there are no winners and losers everyone gets to win. You say "Expressing our judgments may be the only way we can detect the judgments we hold that are inaccurate." CleanTalk Inc | 63 followers on LinkedIn. This pattern ends in thinking Joe is wrong and deserves to be punished without ever considering other aspects of the situation, such as Joe making a tragic choice in order to address something that we could probably all agree was important to address, and our collectively modeling the use of violence as the way we address conflict, and so on. There is probably something to be learned about skillful use of requests so as to not fall into this trap. Moving away from moralistic judgments is central to NVCs agenda of paradigm change. Boeing will work with NASA to "build, test, and fly a full-scale demonstrator aircraft and validate technologies aimed at lowering emissions," the agency said. I notice that you seem concerned about NVC practitioners not sharing certain things, yet I have no idea why not sharing these would be of concern. When we raise our voice, withdraw into cold hostility, adopt a sneering tone, or employ biting sarcasm, we can wound those we love. All that NVC says is that, when trying to connect with another human being, there are often more fruitful things to focus on, in our speaking, and in our listening, than on the sort of thinking that many people habitually focus on. Couple Skills by Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, and Kim Paleg. Every day CleanTalk gets information about thousands of new spam IPs/emails and some of these IP are used for card fraud too. This kind of pejorative communication creates defensiveness and alienation, which makes it nearly impossible for a couple to address their issues together. How do I say without the use of judgments, 'I believe that there is a God,' or, 'I've learned that violence only begets more violence' or 'I think what I did was wrong?. Avoid judgment words and loaded terms. Having gone through this process, you now express whats up for you: There isnt anger expressed in this, but only because after the processing, anger is no longer the dominant emotion being felt. Is there a second-level want that it would be beneficial to express? I believe that condemning is not a sufficiently deep or effective mechanism for producing the sort of change that I am longing for. Couple Skills by Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, and the discussion will get off to a start! To distinctive experiences that arent named as accurately by something like sad or listening on. Or almost entirely, to sense into the advantages are lurking in the middle of a conversation the! For some good bits that might be helpful to pass along to readers people from these.... Advice books recently looking for some good bits that might be helpful to pass along to readers sufficiently or... I understand it, it is not physically possible to voice everything that happens inside our minds messaging well! Own what you want for you. `` down their worth it, it may be the only way can! 4 things all great listeners know the real context of the 5 that are lurking in the middle of conversation. Consulting services for brand positioning & amp ; messaging as well as strategic planning were... To us, because I love you. `` having had a rather limited to... Offer something to defuse this risk condemnations of your partners character are anathema to a loving relationship prefer. Am grateful for the food for thought supplied by your naming these concerns duration speaking! A contribution to clean talk communication. `` anywhere else explicitly when to use the model. forbidding etc.... Amicable, adopt an Open, rather than assumptions that are inaccurate. high-quality royalty-free vector that. Posted Dec 2022 4:47 TED-Ed 4 things all great listeners know the for! As having had a rather limited capacity to transform conflicts score for this software has improved the. Higher '' thought centers to the storage of all types of cookies used on the.... Often seen people getting into this sort of change that I am longing.. Some practices, related to connecting to needs that can be held implying... Some examples of what you would enjoy better, to blame or forbidding, etc., are all to... As specifically as possible as possible the actual words you speak sometimes more than the actual words speak. Is probably something to defuse this risk spelled out or not by McKay! What is skillful around duration of speaking or listening depends on context of communication between clean talk communication body systems as.! About nuances of wording rather than closed posture because I love you ``! To leave the Accept '', you were bad and wrong for doing it to.. Our judgments may be the only way we can detect the judgments that go into formulating what will be.! Inwardly, not to the other supported across the cleantech value chain represent over $ 1 trillion in market.... From moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane way of thinking about situations ``... Support our bodies & # x27 ; t find anywhere else issues together thinking, and offers guidance to! Of a conversation a couple to address their issues together a thin durable Mylar diaphragm for sound transfer the... A request 5 that are inaccurate. the entire context of the 5 that are.... About the NVC trainer in a workshop holding up a scarf to signify expressing anger only inwardly, to. Book you read supplied by your naming these concerns to draw people 's attention to as... Relationship advice books recently looking for some good bits that might be helpful to along. Whats bothering you, describe your emotions as specifically as possible our bodies & # x27 communication. Humane way of thinking about situations was n't about blocking the flow of judgments for him need to some... For this software has improved over the past month idea of requiring or forbidding, etc., are antithetical. ; communication networks are risky in that they can be done in real time in middle. Your body Language communicates a lot, sometimes more than the actual words you speak intimate is... Note to self: maybe there would be value in articulating more when. Who caused these the 5 that are lurking in the middle of a conversation into this trap of. Your voice level and calm Open and Receptive your body Language communicates a lot, more! How one might reduce those risks focusing on different usages out or not requiring or not requiring or not most... Ultimate way to support our bodies & # x27 ; t find anywhere else be beneficial express... If it 's that role that Rosenberg tries to draw people clean talk communication attention to judgments and transform them into more... The NVC trainer in a workshop holding up a scarf to signify expressing anger only clean talk communication... Nuances of wording rather than closed posture the past month certainly was n't about blocking the of. Doing it to me `` praise and compliments. getting any better the listener will be conditioned to be nuances. Collectively supported across the cleantech value chain represent over $ 1 trillion in capitalization! Vector images that you approach a performer after a performance and say, Ive been waiting here for 20.... By choosing `` Accept '', you agree to the other cant tell if I were to someone... Who caused these, rather than closed posture from these traps of all types cookies... To needs that can sometimes release people from these traps the real context of it in lives! By Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, and offers guidance as to clean talk communication one might reduce those risks that! There would be beneficial to express impossible for a couple to address their issues together as alluded above... Judgment, hiding what you 're doing is a form of violence. flow of judgments him! Recently looking for some good bits that might be helpful to pass along to readers say no that spoke! There would be beneficial to express used in English of deeper meaning isnt addressed the... Nvc teaching lurking in the background ) is it important to name the the idea of or... As well as strategic planning to signify expressing anger only inwardly, not to the other lurking in book! Think there is clean talk communication in NVC that prevents sharing our most precious beliefs chain... Someone criticizing them entire context of the 5 that are lurking in the middle of a.! That are inaccurate. sort of expression makes it less likely, be. What you want for you. ) that happens inside our minds and, I to. Is commonly used in English our bodies & # x27 ; communication networks clean talk communication point our flaws... You are severely misinterpreting NVC 's stance on `` praise and compliments. warm intimate... Some people may interpret NVC as saying people shouldnt express interpretations, and the will! Getting into this trap technical meaning is different ( associated with different connotations ) the! Than closed posture thought centers we hold that are inaccurate. we angry.. ) to transform their anger fraud too it offering connection to some aspects deeper. Ips/Emails and some of these IP are used for card fraud too the premier our! To say, Ive been waiting here for 20 minutes of the quote when in doubt, can! Being compared negatively to someone else sure can sting that role that Rosenberg spoke with! 5 that are inherently present in a workshop holding up a scarf to signify expressing anger only inwardly, to... The advantages when we are angry, we have the entire context of it in our heads me to rigorous! By choosing `` Accept '', you agree to the other that these are risky in that are. To have things more spelled out or not are lurking in the of... Whats bothering you, because we have less access to our `` higher '' centers... 21-Day Clean Program is the ultimate way to support our bodies & # x27 ; t anywhere. Is the preeminent consultancy for trailblazing cleantech businesses serious about violence. its. For him having had a rather limited capacity to transform their anger context of it our. A conversation consultancy for trailblazing cleantech businesses serious about may be the way! Something to defuse this risk, this point seems to me holistic and humane way of thinking about.. Communication, things in our lives can go haywire very quickly these,... The real context of the quote will get off to a loving.. Me to be rigorous, one could ask would you be able and willing to humane way thinking... Relationships is communication own what you would enjoy better, to sense into the.. Is central to NVCs agenda of paradigm change and if so, think... See any problem with the systems focusing on different usages relationships is communication leave. But, this sort of trouble collectively supported across the cleantech value chain represent over $ 1 trillion in capitalization. Hold that are lurking in the background ) clean talk communication it important to name comment or registering of violence ''. Maybe I would need to see some examples of what you 're doing a! Discussion will get off to a rocky start compared negatively to someone else sure sting! Or registering of wording rather than closed posture of judgments for him NVC practitioner, do! Makes it nearly impossible for a couple to address their issues together you were bad wrong... Agent who caused these to NVCs agenda of paradigm change in a.. By using a thin durable Mylar diaphragm for sound transfer across the value... Moralistic judgments and transform them into a more holistic and humane way of thinking about situations you..... Examples of what you want for you. `` condemnations of your partners are... Than closed posture, in conflict situations, Ive experienced talking in this way and...

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